to my first friend,

I am an empty beer bottle that was loved intensely but only for a single night. I am a burning house that was once taken for granted, until the owners received attention for their loss. I am the pale pink Sunday morning sky through an open window in October. I am the single white rose on the grave of the girl who died too soon. I am anguish. I am beauty. Until you understand how I can be all these at the same time you do not know me.

I do not live a fairytale. Though I never once wished otherwise. I spend my free time listening to slam poetry and I do not regret a single moment. I am bad at Spanish and being courageous. But I am bold and I am warm. I am black and I am white. I do not know grey.

Sarah was the disturbing mistake of society summed up in a life. She was beautiful and kind. She formed herself to fit what the world wanted her to be but they expected too much. So she lost her way and couldn’t choose joy without illegal pill formed happiness. She didn’t deserve death. But heaven sure deserved her.

Because of this revolting person who somehow even manages to lack any humanity that even the evil soul of heathens possess, I lost her. She is no longer a phone call away and there are no visiting hours in heaven. She is a bobber at the top of the ocean and I cannot swim. She is the statistics. She had the potential to be against all odds-but she lost.

Humanity needs a fix. And I do not care how many times this is said in different forms with a constant of results providing failure. I will say it until I join her above. I will say it until something changes. I will say it until the ones with potential, the ones who society clutches by the neck, the ones who had hope in their hearts until their oxygen was cut off, until they are free. Life is not a game. I refuse to spend it pretending that everyone has renewable lives. Because when were dead. Were dead.

Until you can understand this. You do not deserve to know me. You do not deserve to share any opinion on me because you do not know who I am or what my motives are. I will not allow you to believe you know me when you have only ever created depression in my heart. You never deserved to know me like that, and I will be certain you never will again. I will not sink that low ever again. For Sarah, I will be okay.


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