the numbness is fading

It seems that all my life people have asked the wrong questions. When I was young they’d ask why I didn’t settle down. Maybe it they would assume I was an innocent child with loads of energy. Bu in actuality as id grown and done as they said I became boring. Later, it would be why I didn’t cry. It was simple. It wasn’t that I was unexposed to pain, but rather that tears meant I was weak. I would not be weak. Now its “do you want to hurt yourself?”, no truly I don’t. I just wish I was never born in the first place.

Sometimes they’d ask if I was okay. But how could someone like me be okay? How could I ever possibly be okay? I spend my life walking on eggshells hearing my relatives tell me to not choose the same path. Hearing my teachers tell me to pay more attention and my parents threatening to kick me out if I don’t try harder. My director is telling me that quitting the show would ruin it. My coaches are telling me to put more time in. But, my therapist is telling me to take a breath. And everyone is telling me to be okay. How could any child who has experienced trauma or loss be okay growing up in a world like this. A world where people voted for a president because they despised one less than the other, a country gaining a president who looks at the stereotypes and tells you that they are true without exception. How am I supposed to balance class, 4 groups, and my mental health and still come out on top. I cant. We cant. Society expects too much from the world and we come out empty handed with nothing but a mildly decent resume and a battered soul.


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