beautiful

i am not beautiful. you only tell me i am when i do all of my makeup and showsome skin. i am not beautiful. i have stretch marks, cellulite and a few too

many pounds around my stomach. i am not beautiful. i wear a ponytail holder around my wrist so i can flick myself until i am numb. i am not beautiful. i am too considerate of others and that only ever leaves me with a further chipped heart. i am not beautiful. i can not trust my family because they go through my things enough to always be on my toes. i am not beautiful. my eyes are too far apart and my legs are too close together. i am not beautiful. my father yells a little too loud and my walls are a little too high. i am not beautiful. i sparkle on the outside and deteriorate on the inside. i am not beautiful. i was sexually assaulted at the age of six by my best friends father; then at the age of twelve i was molested by the boy down the street. i am not beautiful. in the seventh grade i tried to kill myself. i am not beautiful. she died seven months ago but my soul still aches each day for someone to understand me like she did. i am not beautiful. i show all of my emotions through tears. i am not beautiful. i have a big temper and sometimes all i want to do is beat the inconsiderate souls. i am not beautiful. i do not get exceptional grades and sometimes i am rude. i am not beautiful. i can’t pay attention to even the most interesting thing. i am not beautiful. do not blame yourself, usually i don’t even know how i feel. i am not beautiful. i am not beautiful. i am not beautiful. but for some absurd reason He believes i am. therefore, i am somehow beautiful. 

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